


Morning Exchange

by DarkmoonSigel



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Coffee, Countries Using Human Names, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Funny, Human & Country Names Used, Kinda, Lazy Mornings, M/M, Morning Routines, Mornings, bagged milk, does missing milk go on the side of a carton, have you seen this milk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 12:20:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5869240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkmoonSigel/pseuds/DarkmoonSigel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew/Canada wakes up to find the coffee has been made. Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Morning Exchange

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote Hetalia crack instead of anything Hannibal. Blame Owlyjules on Tumblr for it.

There was coffee. Someone had been courteous enough to make coffee, but there was no milk. Which made no sense because Matthew had just bought some yesterday at the store.

Sighing, Matthew was not one for taking it straight, deciding to cut it with maple syrup. Looking around though produced no amber sweet goodness, turning the situation from odd to dire. No coffee meant a very grumpy Canadian, and that could turn out very bad for anyone who decided to be excessively cheery or awake. 

It was too early in the morning for the mystery of the missing milk and maple syrup, Matthew pinching the bridge of his nose as a sharp pain started to build up behind his eyes. Tapping the morning paper against his leg, Matthew wondered if Arthur was up or if he should risk waking the old country. Arthur wasn't a morning glory ray of sunshine either. A bouncy American entering the kitchen didn't help matters, but Matthew needed answers as well as caffeine and maple syrup. 

"Al, I don't suppose you know where the milk and syrup are? I need one or the other for my coffee. You know I don't take it black." Matthew said, wincing at the sound of his own voice. Fuck he shouldn't have drank last night with Arthur and Gilbert. 

"YOU ARE CANADIAN AND TOUGH AS BEAVERS!! YOU DRINK THAT BLACK COFFEE OR ELSE GO MILK A MOOSE!" Was the spastic response, accompanied with a whole lot of arm waving and glee. 

Matthew dropped his coffee cup in surprise to stare at his twin, grateful he hadn't filled it to its brim yet. "What are you on?" He asked before figuring out for himself. "Damn it, you and Gilbert have been chugging bottles of syrup again!"

"MAYBE." Alfred says apparently only set at one volume now due to his sugar high. Matthew wondered vaguely what the hell had happened to the milk, almost fearing to find out.

"Bad America." Matthew admonished, hitting Alfred upside his head with a rolled up newspaper, "But if you're here, where is Gil?"

"SURRENDER YOUR VITAL REGIONS" was heard from somewhere high above them, from the third floor which meant the attic and really only one thing.

"Oh maple, he on the roof again." Matthew sighed. It was too early in the morning for this shit. No maple syrup left in the pantry, missing bagged milk, and more than likely a naked country on his roof.

"I THINK HE'S ON THE ROOF! HEY, IS IT SNOWING UNDERWEAR?!" Alfred observed as he pressed his face up to the cool glass to watch articles of clothing flutter to be ground like strange snowfall, confirming nudity.

"Why me? I'm nice." Matthew sighed to his bear, Kuma wandering into the kitchen with a fluffy little yellow bird on his head. 

"Who are you?" Kuma said not missing a beat, yawning himself awake.

"The guy who's going back to bed, that’s who, you hosers." Matthew grumbled, throwing the newspaper over his shoulder in defeat.

"Sometimes a Canadian just has to go back to bed." Says Kuma with a shake of his head. 

"I'm sure it will sort itself out." The bear grumbled to Gilbird, both animals winced when they heard Gilbert fall off the roof into snow. Meters first from the sound of it and uniqueness of profanity produced.

"BRO, YOU ALIVE?!" Alfred yelled, despite the kitchen window being closed to be answered by a pale hand flipping him the bird and not the fluffy yellow kind. 

"BRO'S ALIVE!" Alfred informed the animals with a grin that was frightening in all its sparkling whiteness. It made Kuma back away slowly out of the kitchen, careful not to make any sudden movement.

"You both deserve each other." Kuma grumbled, going to find a sleeping Canada to stick his cold, wet nose under. Misery loved company after all.

OoOoO

Arthur cracked one bloodshot eye open. He was going to have to murder someone and it wasn’t even noon yet. Something or someone was moving around quite noisily overhead until it abruptly stopped. 

Sighing with relief, the acid green and crimson eye was closed and the desire to maim for silence quelled. It was all for naught though, Arthur suddenly airborne as a body hit the bed hard enough to send Arthur flying out of it. Strong arms kept Arthur from hitting hardwood though, the former mother country being held aloft by a grinning nutter with the reflexes of a cat due to all the coffee he had just chugged. 

"I HAVE SUPER POWERS!" Alfred yelled, making Arthur's hands fly up in a vain attempt to save his ears. 

"You have shite from brains!" Arthur yelled back, not quite reaching Alfred's level of noise.

"WE GOTTA GO SAVE GIL!" Alfred informed Arthur, already on the move to do so. To England's ire, he had not been put down before Alfred had come to this decision. 

"What?! Why?! Just hold on a tick, where the hell are you taking me, you thick git?!" Arthur argued, trying to free himself as the great outdoors approached dangerously nearer. While used to it by now, Arthur was not quite up for this sort of thing at the moment. He was painfully hungover, nauseous, in desperate need of a Bloody Mary or mimosa, and completely naked.

"TO INFINITY!" Alfred roared as he kicked Matthew's front door clean off of its hinges. 

"AND BEYOND" Gilbert answers back, popping out the snow like some strange naked bunny. 

"Bloody hell."

OoOoO

"That was the front door. He broke it again." Kuma muttered from somewhere under the depths of down comforter.

"I know. I don't care. I'm not leaving this bed. I'll call Ontario to come and fix it." Matthew said from under the pillow he was trying to smother himself with. He could already hear the neighbors yelling at the nations running around on his lawn, probably in some state of undress. One thought that they would be used to it by now. 

"Call Quebec. He's closer." Kuma grumped. "Or even better, call both."

"You're not funny or cute. I want the door fixed, not the house further ruined. Still have stains in the ceiling from the last time that happened." Matthew tried to kick the bear but missed, getting pecked for his efforts by Gilbird. "Never mind, sounds like Arthur is violently taking care of it with extreme prejudice."  
“You won’t get those stains out anytime soon either.”

"Oh Maple..."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Your comments demand to know where the milk is. Your kudos know where the milk is, and have seen things they can't unsee.


End file.
